it was a rough night...

We're gonna just pick up where we left off...you haven't missed much. So anyway... yesterday started out pretty good but ended very, very ugly. I had to fly to Cincinnati for a business trip on Thursday. Everything was going well. Nice rental car, good meals, great hotel...even the flight to Cincinnati (through Houston by the way - how stupid is that? That's like driving through Dallas to get to Wichita from Derby) was pretty good. A little rough but nothin' too fierce. I got in to town at a decent hour and had a pretty good meal and a good night's sleep. The flight home on Friday evening is where things start to go south for ol' T-bone. First of all, I'm flying on Delta. Do yourself a favor and just never do this. I would suggest that you either rent a car or stow away in the steerage section of a Chinese junk steamer or a luxury ocean liner like they did in Titanic. You could even hop a freight train like Alf and Willie Tanner did in that classic episode. Any of these options would be preferable to flying on Delta airlines.

My flight from Cinci to Atlanta was on a 767 which is a nice plane, but unless you're in first class you are so cramped that there's literally not even enough space between you and the seat in front of you to fully open a laptop computer, let alone cross your legs or more more than a few inches. And since the seat next to me was of course occupied, I was so cramped that I couldn't even keep my seat up - I kept mashing the button to recline it with my leg. This resulted in me trying to balance myself on one cheek during the takeoff and landing so I didn't incur the wrath of the stewardess who was not @$#%@# around as they say regarding FAA safety guidelines. Also the plane took off half an hour late because there weren't any pilots in Atlanta who could fly the plane to Newark for it's next leg so we were actually on the runway waiting for another pilot to drive into the airport so he could get on our plane and fly to Atlanta with us.

So when we finally get to Atlanta I've got about 20 minutes to get from my gate in terminal T to terminal C...(if you're keeping score at home, that's a long freaking hike even with the trams and moving sidewalks). So I get to my gate with about 30 seconds to spare before they start boarding my flight from Atlanta to the ICT. I get on board and prepare for a 2 and half hour flight with my knees in my chest. In the meantime, the Gold Coast coconut shrimp and the Gin and Tonic(s) I had at the Outback Steakhouse in the Cincinnati airport have combined in my stomach to create something akin to Hurricane Katrina. I'm talking Category 5 gut-busting belly cramps. I was about to ask the stewardess if she had any Midol (but based on her attitude I'm pretty sure she's never heard of the stuff).

Needless to say by the time we went wheels down in Wichita, I was ready to go home and hopefully catch the end of the KU game. So I go to the baggage claim to claim my borrowed suitcase (thanks K-dog). If you've ever waited at a baggage claim after a flight, you'll be familiar with the scene I'm about to describe. I'm standing there watching all of the suitcases come through the plastic curtain and down the conveyer. After a few minutes of not seeing my bag, I start to get nervous but I'm not panicking yet. Then I start to realize that I've seen the same bag twice now and still haven't seen mine. I start to get that sick feeling in my stomach now (this is not related to the shrimp). I realize at this point that even though I made my connection in Atlanta apparently my bag hasn't. So I walk to the other end of the airport to the Delta counter and there is nobody there. The lights are off, it is now approximately 10:30pm. I call Delta Airlines 800 number to report my bag missing. I am told by Haji at their call center in Bangalore, India that I have to open a missing bag claim at the airport and can't do it over the phone. I tell him "There is nobody here from Delta. The lights are off and they've gone home." I spend the next 30 minutes arguing this point with him. He tells me his supervisor is trying to contact somebody at Delta. I tell him "I can hear the phone ringing at the Delta ticket counter. There is nobody there to answer it." This goes on for another 10 minutes or so and they finally decide that I'm telling the truth and decide to open a lost baggage case for me over the phone. So I leave the airport expecting that my bag will probably be delivered to me this morning. It's 8:20pm right now and as of 30 minutes ago Delta still doesn't know where my bag is. The upshot is that if they can't find it within 5 days I can file a claim to be reimbursed for the contents (which include my black suit, a new dress shirt, two ties, my dress wingtips, my watch, my travel case, a pair of jeans, and 2 t-shirts). And according to their website, it will only take them 8-10 weeks to mail me a check.

Be sure and check out my new website - www.deltaairlinescansuckmyback.com. It will be up soon...